The Business of Queening

Makeup & Hair by Miss Mary Jane Green

Howdy!

In December I won the title of the Last Queen of the Great Southern Exposure in Charlotte, North Carolina. I never thought I'd win a crown, especially for comedy. I have a crown and three trophies from the event. (There was some confusion around my crowning moment so this photo by Madison Hurley Photography will have to do.)

I'm now 42 and may never win another crown. It took over ten years of burlesque performance to land me this monster. I am absolutely milking this for all it's worth.

Here's what I know about the business of queening.

Get a damn sash
Not every title comes with a sash. If you win a title that gives you bragging rights and you don't have a sash, get a damn sash. I ordered mine from LadyBug Designers. The stones in my crown are red, clear and blue, leading me to get a blue sash. (To spend a little less, check out this vendor.)

I wear the sash in appropriate shows (not competitions) when I perform the award-winning act, usually for curtain call and mingling after the show. I don't eat in the sash. It cost to much to trash with a spilled drink.

Figure out how to get the crown to stay on your head
This crown is huge.  If you won a crown that has little combs already, lucky you. Big hair can keep a crown like this in place. I needed to be able to actually wear it for an event and photoshoots, and I don't always have someone on hand to tease my hair to high heaven. Bobby pins and crown clips with pipe cleaners were useless for me with this crown.

I found a solution and ordered some CrownStays in Monster size. The system is pretty simple but I'm glad I bought a set so I wouldn't have to figure out the rigging on my own. I had to crunch the adjustable slide on the crown and add another anchor point, but Mr. Snapper can mount the crown on my head and I can function without a rat's nest of hair.

To mount the crown, one comb is stuffed into the hair on one side of the head. Pull the comb out a bit on the opposite side, stretching the clear elastic woven through the inside of the crown. Stuff that into the hair. Shazam. Do the opposite to take it back off.

I got my mother a tiara so she could experience the joy and nonsense of being the Queen Mum. I'm maybe a bit ridiculous.

Get a fancy robe
I see people backstage all the time with their fancy robes. I'd been meaning to get one with my name embroidered on it for a while. I now had something interesting to get on the front.

I chose Snapper colors for the robe instead of the black robes I see my friends wearing.

This is where I got my robe. Lots of options for colors and embroidery. I mean, feel free to get one if you aren't a queen. I got mine within a week of ordering because they weren't busy with all the bridal robes at that moment.

Get a case for the crown
I have little trophy shelves with my burlesque trophies at the bottom of our stairs. I have a shadowbox display for our Burlypicks medal. There are photos of each win under the respective award.

This crown is too big for the shelves. It's too big for most crown cases. I had hoped to get an acrylic case from Michaels with a coupon, but the crown is too big. (If I only win one crown, I'm glad it's absurdly large.)

I had to order a display case for the crown. Of course.

Put it on a pedestal
Gee, my gigantic crown case is too large for a shelf. I had to buy a pedestal to put it on display. The case is a bit bigger than the pedestal. Yep, that's about right.

I can't put the case on the pedestal at the bottom of the stairs because it would impede traffic going up and down the stairs. I can't have the dogs running into it. I had to put it in my studio. My life is hard.

Photoshoot time!

I have to have a photo to go with the crown, and I can't display the crown with the other awards. Gee. Heck. Guess I have to just put a giant photo of the crown with the other trophies down the stairs and put another photo in my studio above the crown.

We bought backdrops so we could have Madison shoot in our apartment.

Oh yeah, I also made a jumpsuit and bought a simple dress for the shoot.

I did a second photoshoot in the crown with Dallas Pinup because I needed pinup photos in a crown. Obviously.

Then, I had to buy picture frames and order special prints of the photos to post on my walls because I am ridiculous.

Good deeds
What's the point of queening if I don't use my powers for good? I decided to do good deeds by holding online fundraisers for Southern charities, since I am the Last Queen of the Great Southern Exposure. I raised a little money for North Carolina Center on Actual Innocence, ALS in Wonderland Foundation, and the Humboldt Broncos of Saskatchewan (because I love hockey). I've joined the Bad Girls Club to continue fundraising. I'll share more charities who could use some scrilla on my Facebook profile.


Who knows if I'll ever win another pageant like this. That's why I'm making the most of the nonsense now.

NOPE! My Favorite Self-Created Award

I came home from the Texas Burlesque Festival Saturday afternoon. Competition for audience choice was tough. Performances on Friday and Saturday nights were fierce. The chance of not winning is far greater than the chance of winning.

I learned long ago that festivals and competitions may have little prizes, but the more important takeaway is friendships. Meeting people, reconnecting with folks, making friends holds far greater value than a statue, sash or prize to me. I saw so many friends that I haven't seen in years. I had an absolute blast. I have only positive things to say about this festival.

I wanted to commemorate the experience. I also wanted a damn Barbie.

I wanted her to look a little trashy.

So I made one. My amazing Austin hostess, Dolce Dream, joined me on an adventure to find the right Barbies for our loser awards after Friday's show. We started our decorations before retiring for the night. I had to wait until I got home to order the supplies to complete my statue.

I started with Farmer Barbie. I like to call her Chicken Barbie because she came with her own chicken.

She's so Texas. Also, my grandfather was a chicken farmer.

I chopped up a necklace to make her crown.

So innocent. So pretty. Just you wait, Chicken Barbie.

I glued blue glitter to her lids and penned in some runny mascara.

Looking more and more like the Hole "Live Through This" album cover.

I bought a stand and a wooden base. They don't look as groovy as the actual winner Barbies but they'll work.

Simple 7" diameter wood round. I had to keep the boots on her.

I bought an outfit as close to the Hole outfit as I could find. I made a sash from twill tape and rhinestones, titling it with a Sharpie. "NOPE" seemed to be the funniest thing to put on the sash. I'm all about the comedy.

Pretty hot mess.

I decorated her chicken and added my own titles for the trophy at the bottom. The titles I've given myself are absolutely true. They're also hilarious. I'm glad the crew enjoyed the fact that I danced to the Benny Hill theme.

Loser & her loser chicken.

To celebrate the act I did this year, I put a clump of her hair in her hand. If you've seen the act you know why.

I think I may put her on my bar with a bunch of my hockey bobbleheads. I'm so delighted with how she turned out. She's a wonderful trinket to commemorate my joys from this year's festival.

I wonder if I should burlesque every competition trophy when I don't win...

Barbies & Burlesquing Burlesque

I'm subversive. I figure you know that if you've been to my blog or seen me perform before. Or maybe if you've met me.

This weekend I'm performing at the Texas Burlesque Festival for the first time. It's hard to believe I've spend so much time in Texas over the years and this is only the second time I'm performing in Austin, the first time at this festival.

They give away special Barbies as their trophies. This was part of the reason I wanted to compete. I'm not a Barbie collector but I want one of these damn custom Barbies. Who doesn't?!

Chances of winning a Barbie are slim. I perform Friday night. I might win the audience choice Barbie for Friday if they like it when someone burlesques burlesque. If they don't, I just go home Saturday with no Barbie and only the satisfaction of making new friends, putting down more roots and giving a fun performance to warm my frigid heart.

I'm happy to be here in Austin.

Also, I want a damn Barbie.

I had this brilliant idea on the flight to Austin to make a loser Barbie. I can tart up a Barbie to look like the cover of Hole's Live Through This album-- tiara and runny mascara, looking like a successful failure. I can add a piece of masking tape (or P-Touch tape if I feel sassy) that says "Texas Burlesque Festival Loser - Friday Night 2017." I can add each year I fail that I get to perform. If I get the good fortune of performing here five years and I don't win a Barbie each year, I can document the losses on my Barbie's base.

But wait! There's more! I can add something to the Barbie each year that best represents the act I did that year. I don't want to spill the beans on what I'd use this year. Maybe a feather boa number would require a feather boa and a gold shoe number would require gold shoes. I could add things to my loser Barbie to represent the acts over the years.

It's not about disrespecting an awesome tradition of Barbie trophies. It's about creating a story and marking what's significant to me-- I performed in a competition and this is how I celebrated it. (I do have Barbie envy for the winners. I also recognize there are so many solid acts that the mathematical chances of winning a Barbie are incredibly slim. Additionally, I know not everyone gets into every festival and would love the shot at failing to win a Barbie.) Each year I could point to the Barbie to share the story of what I did.

We are the authors of our own narratives. It's time to turn what could be negative into something very positive. Let's make it something to celebrate.

My incredible host is going to join me in making a loser Barbie. We'll have our damn ridiculous trophies, and we'll tell honest stories celebrating how we got those trophies. Even if we wind up making them for ourselves.

A Shrimp's Tale

Well, I live in Dallas now. The past two months have been a lot of packing, stress, prep and driving. I've been in Dallas since March 4th. I still haven't fully unpacked.

There are a lot of reasons for my move, most of them financial and familial. There are more festivals and burlesque opportunities within driving distance. I can get cheaper flights to those places as well. I'm still very much an Angeleno at heart. You can't live somewhere that long without it really making becoming part of you.

I didn't intend to start performing until April 1st. An opportunity arose on Monday and I jumped on it. A friend lost a performer from her show. The band learned a six-minute song specifically for the performer. (Losing a six-minute act makes a significant dent in a show's run time. The fact that this ten-piece band learned the song was huge.) I threw my hat in the ring with my peach robe and got the gig.

Photo by Kelly Gardina Photography

I was familiar with the song but didn't know it very well. I started working through possible movement on Monday after I booked the gig. I kept my brain engaged on the number when I'd take breaks from work or walk the dogs.

Tuesday evening I pulled out the costume. I started working with a boa in the gym but didn't feel satisfied. It was still very improvisational. The boa wasn't working. The song was so long that it needed something at the end. In truth, I thought the song was best suited for someone who wore a black dress or Mardi Gras colors (meaning not me). Creative mind still engaged, I had an insane eureka moment.

What if I stripped out of my showgirl stuff and became a shrimp?

Crazy, right?

I pitch it to Mr. Snapper. He knows my determination and my love of a challenge. He also knows that I'm hand beading a corset and finishing a gown this week. Maybe I shouldn't take on something else right now?

Nope, it's decided. I'm going to become a shrimp. I have all the pieces to turn into a showgirly shrimp except the headdress.

Wednesday evening we dash to Hobby Lobby to buy the components. I paint and dye the pieces, he assembles. Teamwork.

Thursday afternoon I run the number with the headdress before rolling my hair for the show. It's going to work! Woohoo!

Carpe shrimp! Check out the video by the awesome Ben Britt of this act's debut.

Atomic Thursday: Bourbon

I just noticed I've been sharing my Atomic love since September! I hope I've helped those of you who were curious about Atomic Cosmetics/Xerion Skin Science products. I'm obviously a fan.

Atomic Cosmetics: Bourbon

Snapper as Ginny Weasley (in Bourbon)

Sometimes I need an adult lip color. Funnily, I wore this for my Ginny Weasley number last week. Ginny is very grown up for a teenager. It's hard to find the right reds for a redhead to wear. Bourbon is perfect for that.

In fact, Bourbon is the darkest lip color I can wear without looking strange. I've tried some darker colors but I look a bit too goth with my coloring.

I have sensitive lips. There are products that have made my lips peel and hurt. I don't have to worry about that with Atomic Cosmetics. I also don't have to worry about having super toxic stuff around my eat hole. :)

All Atomic lipsticks come in adorable tubes. If you're fair and want to look like an adult, check this stuff out.

Atomic Thursday: Eyeshadow Primer

I got a promotion at my day job (yay! money!) and made some major changes to an old number, so I missed sharing with you last week! Sometimes I'm the worst. :)

Atomic Cosmetics: Eyeshadow Primer

Buster made the perfect background.

I'm going on a small tangent but hear me out. I somehow got added to a mailing list for several lady magazines. I don't like lady magazines but I don't like being wasteful. (Who has time for lady magazines these days?!) I flip through them before throwing them away. I saw a tip that said to use eyeshadow primer over blemishes before using concealer because the concealer would stick better. Best tip I've gotten from a stack of free lady magazines in years!

I've used the eyeshadow primer a few times over the past few months. (I usually use Optimus Primer when I do stage makeup and I rarely go out socially because I'm so busy.) On a related note, I've been frugal and just went to my first hockey game for this season on Monday.

I decided to try the concealer trick. I have freckles below my eyes and they look like dark circles when I have a naked face. I gussied myself up a little before heading to the game. I used some Eyeshadow Primer on my lids and on those pesky freckles under my eyes. I then touched up the undereye with some spackle before using BB Cream all over my face. I powdered off my undereye and voila!

I didn't get enough sleep but no discoloration!

Success! I should've used No Baggage to make up for the broken seven hours of sleep the night before. Oops. But my eyeliner and mascara didn't transfer or bleed to my lower lid while I was shouting at the game.

I dig this Eyeshadow Primer. Get a sample and test it out for yourself. Dr. Jen can also tweak the tint so it's a better match if you're not as pale-faced as me. Just let her know in your order notes or shoot her an email. (Atomic is like concierge stuff.)

Atomic Thursday: Pinkalicious

I'm in the opening stages of a winter cold today and I do not feel pretty, despite my Los Angeles Kings t-shirt and Batman pajama pants.

Atomic Cosmetics : Pinkalicious Body Butter

Can you see the fine pink glitter?

Okay, now I feel pretty. I had to slap a little Pinkalicious on my arms.

I have body butter from another company that I purchased ten years ago that still sits in my bathroom closet. I have body butter I was gifted three years ago that remains untouched in same closet. I thought I would like body butter before I tried it, and I found these other brands dried me out more than before I used the body butter. Body butter is supposed to really help moisturize dry skin.

I gave Dr. Jen's body butters a shot because I know she wouldn't sell a tub of cream that does more dehydrating than moisturizing. I'm glad I did. It absorbs into the skin quickly, doesn't feel oily and doesn't make dry skin worse.

Pinkalicious is absolutely girly. It smells like cupcakes. (The scent is gentle and pleasant as opposed to drugstore cotton candy stripper body spray.) The pink glitter is incredibly fine, making it a wonderful accessory for outings when you want to have a subtle glow. Well, maybe not incredibly subtle. It's not as obvious as Glitter Bomb. It's a perfect beauty product for girls of all ages.

If you want something a little fabulous that isn't too expensive or want to have a fancy gift on hand for any gal in your life, toss some Pinkalicious in your Atomic shopping cart.

Atomic Thursday: No Baggage

I didn't blog last way since I was traveling to Texas for my fifth year in Nearly Naked Nutcracker. Oops!

Atomic Cosmetics: No Baggage

I missed this so much over the weekend.

The older I get, the more obvious it is when I don't get enough sleep. Traveling always does it to me. Time zone changes, show preparation, having to be "on" for longer than I am for local gigs, poor eating habits (too few veggies, eating too few actual meals a day) all take their toll on my face. There's a photo of me from last weekend's shows where you can count the eye bags.

I neglected to pack No Baggage.

One drop of this stuff packs the necessary punch to wake up the under eye area. (I used to have hemorrhoid cream in my early twenties for the same thing but who wants to use butt cream by the eyes?) It smells nice and improves the appearance of the under eye area when the world fights your attempts to rest.

If you work in an office after a late night gig, get some of this stuff. It won't make up for the lack of sleep but it will pep up your face.

Atomic Thursday: Dude Lotion

Small gifts and stocking stuffers are perfect excuses to introduce someone to products you enjoy. They're also a great way to encourage behaviors you like. (I think this is part of the reason we got toothbrushes and socks in our stocking on more than one occasion as I was growing up.)

Atomic Cosmetics: Dude Lotion

In the medicine cabinet, of course.

Mr. Snapper hates lotion as a general rule. He doesn't like having "sauce" on his hands or body. It's taken me years to find a moisturizer he's willing to use on his face (a post-shave lotion that has a consistency he can handle).

I asked him to try out Dude Lotion and give me a dude's opinion. It smells fantastic to me but I use Skin Zen. He's the best and was willing to give it a shot for my blog. (I got a big sample from Dr. Jen a couple months ago.)

Here's his assessment:

Dude Lotion is fantastic. Good thickness, pleasant citrus-y smell. Not sticky-disgusting or quick to evaporate away. It's in the sweet spot. The dispenser is fantastic. Good coverage, too.

The dispenser is a big deal. Ease of use means it actually gets used.

Dude Lotion comes in four sizes and is very reasonably priced. If you know a dude who needs some moisturizer but doesn't like hassle or wearing "sauce," get him some of this stuff.

Atomic Thursday: Winter Skin Survival Kit

It's time to do your holiday shopping if you're a gift giver. It's also time to treat yourself for making it through 2016. I have a recommendation for you.

Atomic Cosmetics: Winter Skin Survival Kit

Skin Zen body butter, Body Balm & Lipvana lip balm

I have dry, sensitive skin. I take hotter showers when the weather gets cooler. I get pretty itchy during the winter months.

I wash my hands constantly. I'm also busy rubbing off my natural body oils when I sew. Even non-toxic rhinestone glue takes its toll on my skin. My hands are damn dry. Sometimes they snag fabric because they're so damn dry.

I'm a lip balm addict. My lips hurt if I'm without my lip balm for more than a few hours. I wake in the night and apply at least once. I have a terrible reaction to many lip balm products that are available. There are only two or three brands I can use.

The Winter Skin Survival Kit helps with all of these issues. Skin Zen body butter moisturizes my itchy skin. I don't have to apply multiple layers to experience benefit. Body Balm helps my weary hands. I'll apply some right before bed so my hands are softer in the morning. Lipvana doesn't make my lips peel, unlike so many other products. (One tube of Lipvana lasts me about two and a half weeks.) The kit also includes Dr. Jen's Dirty Baker's Dozen list of toxic ingredients to avoid in cosmetics and skin care products. It all comes in an adorable chiffon bag.

I'm not a huge fan of fragranced products from over-the-counter products. It seems like makeup and lotions from major manufacturers have determined that women want to smell like the fragrance contained in feminine hygiene products. It's terrible. I love that these products don't stink. The fragrance is natural and gentle. It isn't designed to mask the horrible chemicals in the product. The light scents work well together.

There are two more fantastic things about this kit. First, it's really affordable. Each kit is a whopping $10. You can get one for yourself without feeling guilty about the price. Second, you can donate kits to homeless folks via the website. You can donate a few kits and get a gift with your donation.

Atomic Thursday: Drag Eraser

Many of my friends are huge fans of this product.

Atomic Cosmetics: Drag Eraser

Drag Eraser in travel size

Performers wear some pretty intense makeup. I've bragged about the wonders of the now-discontinued Spackle. It's not unusual for us to wear oil-based makeup for stage.

Any housekeeping tips guru worth her salt will tell you that it takes oil to remove oil from your pots and pans. You need something that will absorb and break down the oil, and products with oil in them can do just that. Drag Eraser is oil-based and perfect for cleaning off stage makeup.

I have a process for removing my stage makeup. I've demonstrated it in the photo where I'm wearing just lipstick. (Atomic Cosmetics in Bourbon. Ooh la la!)

Top left you can see me in the lipstick. First, I wipe off any excess makeup with a tissue. (I typically take some makeup wipes on the road.) If you're going to clean butter off a table cloth, it's best to scrape up the butter first. You'll find you have more success removing the makeup efficiently and effectively by wiping off what you can before cleansing. Top right is after I wiped off the lipstick.

Drag Eraser works best when you use it like cold cream. It does have a gentle exfoliant. You can see my lips slathered with it in the bottom left photo. I use my fingertips and use a gentle, circular motion to scrub the makeup.

Then, I use a cotton ball or tissue to wipe off the Drag Eraser. You can see one side of my cotton ball in the bottom center photo. Expect to use a few cotton balls if you're removing an evening of showgirl makeup. I gently wipe until no more color comes off.

The next step is very important. You still have to wash your face and continue with your regular skin care routine. You've wiped away the showgirl but you still have oil on your face. I washed my face with The New 20 before the photo on the bottom right. I finished my regimen with toner and moisturizer.

I typically use a different product to remove my makeup at home. I'm a contact lens wearer and I can use the other product on my eyes without worry. (I get interrupted by dogs when I come home and take off my makeup. Sometimes I have to take them into the yard while I'm cleaning off the war paint.) If you use Drag Eraser on eye makeup, keep in mind that it has a gentle exfoliant. You want to clean it off your eyes carefully and swiftly so you don't rub any of it into your eyes. I do use Drag Eraser on the road when I don't have to worry about dogs jumping on me at the end of the night.

Drag Eraser comes in three sizes. I recommend it for any performer. It's a very thick product and doesn't flow through the pump of the 2oz. size very easily. It comes out of the larger containers easier.

Day Jobs: Finding What Works for You

Current day job assistant

No job is all sunshine and pancakes. Being an artist full-time may make you feel artistically free until your rent is due. Time to sell some of your tools or take a gig you didn't really want so you can make rent.

But, that's not the glamorous life that you envision when you say you just want to pursue your art.

He who pays the piper calls the tune. Remember that Michelangelo had patrons who paid to support his artistic pursuits but instructed him on the art they wanted to see.

Nothing in life is all sunshine and pancakes.

You have to work out your priorities. What works for you?

I have three personal day job stories.

1. I worked at job A for eight years. It was supposed to be a great company. I generally liked what we did for people but I don't deal well with angry people in the workplace. I grew up with angry people and didn't want to voluntarily subject myself to an environment like that. I also started doing burlesque near the end of my time there. There were lots of other factors behind my decision to leave but the largest one at that time was the environment. Leaving was worth it.
2. I worked at job B for almost six years. I had to learn specialized programming as part of the job. I liked my boss. There was no yelling in the workplace. I was worth more than I was being paid. I got one raise in all the years and wasn't on company health insurance. I also had the opportunity to work on costumes and choreography during down time at the office. We had cupcake day and went out to expensive lunches on birthdays. I had to deal with customer complaints when I had no helpful resolutions. I liked my co-workers. Everyone knew I did burlesque and didn't care. I knew the job wouldn't last. The company was sold. I spent some of my down time trying to make my job more efficient. I took classes outside of work so I'd be a better employee.
3. I've worked at job C for most of this year. I had to learn a few things. I worked longer hours than anticipated in the beginning so I could get into the groove. I've had to work nights and weekends when things came up. I work when I'm sick. I've handled emergencies from my bed while I still had sleep in my eyes. I don't get health benefits. I also get to work from home. I spend my days with my dogs. I can get ready for gigs throughout the day instead of rushing when I get home at 7pm. I like my co-workers. I believe in our product. I'm always learning new applicable skills. The boss doesn't provide free cupcakes but also doesn't insist I stay in the office when I don't have work to do.

Every job has its positives and negatives. You have to examine what you're willing to endure and what you can't handle.

• Do you want to be engaged or do you want to save challenging tasks just for your art?
• Do you want to move up the corporate ladder or do you just want to be a cog in the machine?
• Do you want a set schedule or do you want flexibility?
• What are you willing to do for health insurance?
• Do you care about your privacy as an artist?
• Do you want to be paid hourly or salary? Salaried workers can't always leave when the office hours end because they're getting paid more.

Your day job can go bye bye at a moment's notice. That's what we learned with the last economic downturn. You have to be able to apply your creativity to the day job market.

Sort out your priorities. Keep your eye on the end game, whatever that end game is for you. You'll find it much easier to endure the day job lifestyle that way.

Atomic Thursday: Nautical Nonsense

It's Thursday which means it's time for me to share another Atomic Cosmetics review with you. I've tried many things and replaced most of my makeup and skin care products with Atomic. If you have a question about anything that I've used, I'm more than happy to answer it.

Atomic Cosmetics: Nautical Nonsense

Very fine and very shiny

Nautical Nonsense is a bronze highlight powder. I don't wear it in daily life because my BB Cream gives me plenty of glow. I save it for stage and for photo shoots. It gives a nice sun-kissed glow and elevates a look.

A little goes a long way with this stuff. I apply it at the end of my stage makeup session. I swirl a little on a smaller contour brush inside the lid and tap off any excess powder. That part's pretty important because it can leave some pigment (not just shine) if I apply it too thick. A swipe down the nose, chin, center of the forehead, top of the cheekbones and brow bone. Remember to be gentle with the application.

I use this on myself for every stage show. Sometimes I put some on my cleavage. I also used this on Mr. Snapper when he hosted Treklesque as Captain Kirk. Kirk is a little bronze in the reference photo we used. He applied Spackle first. I contoured his face lightly, hit him with some Setting Powder and dusted him off with some Nautical Nonsense. While the photo was under terrible backstage lighting, you can see how he glows.

A container of Nautical Nonsense will last you a nice, long time.

Road Eats: Making Smart Choices

Eating on the road is a challenge. Mealtimes are unreliable and one travel delay can thwart an entire meal. Having a smart plan for the road will truly save your bacon.

I always pack a snack in my carryon bag. I tend to carry cashews for protein and cheese-filled cracker sandwiches for carbs. (Last time I was in New Orleans I lived off my box of cheese-filled crackers because I didn't feel like leaving my hotel room.) Fruit leather and unsweetened dried fruit also make great snacks. As delicious as candy bars and protein bars may be, they're packed with sugar and will exacerbate any inflammation you may have (injuries, blemishes, illnesses). Try to consume foods without added sugars. Look for things that you like that don't have many preservatives.

Restaurant eating is a challenge. Visiting places that are new to you presents overwhelming temptation to eat like you're never going to eat there again. So many options, so many appealing things. I love eating but I have to make choices that will support my adventures, not choices that indulge my inner foodie. It's been a struggle to not eat all the things. Locals always suggest getting their favorite thing. That favorite thing may not be quite what you need. My eyes are typically bigger than my stomach, and I don't always have a way to store and reheat my leftovers.

Here are my tips for restaurant eating on the road.

• Read the menu. Look at the things the locals recommend and look at other tables so you can at least get the aesthetic of the temptations without actually consuming them. See if you can get a bite of the temptation from a friend without ordering it for yourself.
• Stick with simple meat and protein. Get the broccoli instead of the french fries. Get the sauce on the side. Skip the breading and the pasta. Eat the croutons on the salad or a slice of bread with your meal if you really want the bread taste. Chicken and shrimp are my go-tos.
• Order a la carte. Do you really have room in your dancer tummy for a protein and two sides? Most places have an a la carte menu so you can get the protein and one side. It may cost the same as an entree with two sides but you won't feel compelled to eat everything on your plate so nothing goes to waste. Can you dance well with a tummy full of rice, fries and chicken? Just get the rice and chicken. You won't waste as much.
• Take out half. If you're going back to your room right after your meal and you have a refrigerator, you can get a regular meal and ask your server to bring you a takeout container while the food is hot. Put half in the container and close it up. You can tell your server you don't want to be tempted to eat too much if you feel like you need to justify it.
• Split meals where you can. If you're traveling with a fellow performer who has similar tastes, you can split an entree and get side salads.
• Avoid bonus carbs. Carbs are great for you but meals in sit-down restaurants frequently have bonus carbs. I know I can eat the hell out of a basket of tortilla chips without thinking twice about it. Skip the complimentary chips, mini loaf of warm bread, basket of breadsticks. If you can't avoid them, ask your server to package them up for you because you want to enjoy them after you dance. Most servers don't mind, especially if you leave them an extra buck or two for the effort.
• Be smart about dessert. If you don't have room after your meal then don't order it. Go family style on a dessert so you only get one or two spoons of it. Skip stuff you can get back home.

Late-night post-show restaurant trips with the cast present their own challenges. You're going to bed soon and you don't want to overload your system but you still need to "eat" with the group.

• Skip caffeine so you can get your rest. Get some juice, ginger ale or hot chocolate. An Italian soda is a fancy late-night drink. Avoid the alcohol as well. Pass on the refills and drink water instead.
• Stick to appetizers and a la carte offerings. Have some hash browns or a single egg. A veggie side or some toast are great for late-night eating. Fresh fruit pie or simple cheesecake are nice options if you want to treat yourself after a great gig.
• These late-night outings are more about social intercourse than actual nourishment. You can get away with just ordering one beverage and slowly sipping it as you visit with people around the table. Be sure to tip well.

It takes a while for something to become a habit. You have to start somewhere. You may notice you feel better, have more energy and poop regularly when you make smart food choices.

Atomic Thursday: Setting Powder

I've been upgrading my cosmetics and skin care collection over the past several months. I've long admired the Atomic Cosmetics line from afar. When Dr. Jen came to visit Los Angeles earlier this year, I spent as much as I could on product. I really believe in her products. Since I've been able to try many things I figured I'd share my product reviews with you on Thursdays

Atomic Cosmetics: Setting Powder

I apply with a fluffy brush. Tap the brush out before dusting.

I got my first stage makeup kit when I was sixteen and doing theatre. I bought a Mehron pancake kit that had a white setting powder. I loved that setting powder because it wasn't pressed Cover Girl. It was so fine that it was great for setting my face. I got some Ben Nye setting powder in college and used the hell out of it. The fine powder worked wonderfully when we did fantasy and animal makeup in makeup design class. I lived in Arkansas and the internet wasn't really a thing so mail order made replenishing my stock difficult. Last year I bought some E.L.F. high definition powder that was really fine.

Mehron, Ben Nye and E.L.F. all list talc as the first ingredient. Talc was part of an ovarian cancer lawsuit against Johnson & Johnson earlier this year. Talc is linked to cancer. You might think that you just use a little so it can't be that big of a deal. How frequently do you powder your face? Some of that is going to get into your lungs, no matter how well you hold your breath. Stage performers wear a lot of powder over a career. How many containers  of setting powder/translucent powder have you purchased over your lifetime?

Atomic Cosmetics Setting Powder contains no talc. It has two ingredients: mica and aloe vera powder. No aluminum, no garbage, no filler. It's so fine that it's wonderful for setting makeup. A container lasts for a long time because you don't need to load your brush with much. It's very lightweight.

I love Atomic's Setting Powder I've been using the white 3-ounce for several months and barely made a dent in it. I feel that using better products has contributed to my overall health.

I understand sunk cost bias where you invest money into something and resist change because you invested so much money into that thing. If you have a large container of drugstore powder and you can't think of throwing it out, use that crappy powder to set body makeup on your arms, back and legs. (Don't use it around any mucous membranes.) Get some of this stuff for your face. Seriously.

Atomic Thursday: BB Cream

I've been upgrading my cosmetics and skin care collection over the past several months. I've long admired the Atomic Cosmetics line from afar. When Dr. Jen came to visit Los Angeles earlier this year, I spent as much as I could on product. I really believe in her products. Since I've been able to try many things I figured I'd share my product reviews with you on Thursdays

Atomic Cosmetics: BB Cream

One pump should give full face coverage

I rarely wear makeup when I'm not appearing on stage. I still need to look healthy when I leave my yard. My stage makeup is a little too heavy for daytime wear. I want to be kind to my skin. I wanted something light and easy to apply.

"Wow! You look fantastic! Your skin is glowing!"

This is what a friend said when I ran into her at a dance studio on a Sunday. I had gotten four and a half hours sleep the night before because Mr. Snapper had a late show and I've been having trouble sleeping. Unprovoked smoke alarms and barking dogs prevented successful napping. I'm sure I sounded irritable when I taught that afternoon.

But my skin was glowing?

I was wearing BB Cream, concealer and a little bit of blush. 

"BB" stands for blemish balm or beauty balm. It's a sheer tinted moisturizer that diffuses light for that glow. It has very light coverage so you can see all of my freckles. It also has ingredients to help treat blemishes. I use neutral tinted. I apply one pump with my fingertips and touch up my undereyes with concealer so I don't look as snoozy. It dries pretty quickly and it feels like having a naked face.

This is great for daytime wear. I wore it for Mr. Snapper's show since I was just audience. (The show started at midnight and I wore jeans.) I only wish I got a good photo of myself in the daylight to show you how nicely it works.

Atomic Thursday: The New 20 Eye Cream

I've been upgrading my cosmetics and skin care collection over the past several months. I've long admired the Atomic Cosmetics line from afar. When Dr. Jen came to visit Los Angeles earlier this year, I spent as much as I could on product. I really believe in her products. Since I've been able to try many things I figured I'd share my product reviews with you on Thursdays.

Atomic Cosmetics: The New 20 Eye Cream

Sample size on top, full size on bottom

I'm 40. This may not come as a surprise if you've done much exploring on my blog. It may come as a surprise if you haven't. Yep. I'm 40. I take care of my skin, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, drink plenty of water and don't smoke.

That said, I'm an aging entertainer. I need to maintain my youthful appearance. A good eye cream is part of my anti-aging regimen. I tried a sample of The New 20 Eye Cream and was hooked. My eyelids and the skin below my eyes are plump and healthy. They don't feel thin to the touch. I'm a contact lens wearer and this stuff doesn't give me any problems.

It's impossible to notice results from one to two uses of a product. I suggest you pick up a sample container. I use it twice daily and my sample has lasted for months. Apply with your pinky or ring finger because your eye skin is delicate.

I didn't start thinking about eye cream until I was over 35. I didn't think I'd need to worry about it until I might start showing signs of aging because I wasn't showing them yet. Take care of your skin now, no matter what your age. All of the effort you put in today will show in a few years. This stuff is fantastic.

I have to acknowledge the beauty of the containers Dr. Jen uses for Atomic's full size products. The container for the eye cream is beautiful.

Burning the Candle at Both Ends?

Photo by Modern Noir, MUAH by Vivienne Vermuth

It's pretty common for artists to have two jobs: the one that they love and work hardest on, and the other one that pays the bills. I did my turn as just a burlesque dancer (also teacher & costumer) and I felt like I wasn't financially contributing enough to the Snapper household and future. I got another job as soon as I could so someone else could pay me to push paper, a job I could do in my sleep.

Having a day job, doing late night shows and spending all the remaining time on projects so I could do more late night shows takes its toll. Sloppy work at the job that pays the bills, pain and frustration as an artist, mistakes that only happen from being exhausted become too frequent.

I've been an entertainer for my entire life. I started burning the candle any way I could when I was sixteen but I had plenty of young cells to help me recover. Sort of. I wasn't creating the healthiest adult engine by fueling myself with Tom's Hot Fries one summer.

How can you become resilient when you need that day job and the entertainer pursuits? Kick back and old lady Snapper will share some tips.

• Deal with your funk. We all get the funk.
• Get more sleep. Your body needs sleep for cellular growth, detoxification, hormonal function, digestion, weight loss, heart health and thought processing. Most people need eight hours or more per night. If you know you have a late gig coming up, sleep in the day of or the day after. Catch naps any time you can. You won't get into the deep sleep that really restores your body in those naps but you will have a little refresher for better mental function.
• Eat more fruits and vegetables. Juicing is all the rage but juicing eliminates the fiber your body needs to eliminate toxins and waste. Your body needs the nutrients in fresh fruits and veggies. Food is medicine. Take supplements for the things your body doesn't get from food.
• Reduce your consumption of processed and comfort foods. I know I sound like a grandma. Comfort foods are usually rich in sugars and fats. They pick you up for a hot minute and then let you down hard. Retrain yourself to reach for an apple when you would gobble up a cinnamon roll to give you the energy to make it through the day. You eat more food than you actually need when you're tired from trying to do so much.
• Sort out some Me Time that quietens your mind. Some people meditate so they can quiet their minds. Others do yoga. I love ballet because I can't think about anything but the moves while I'm in class. It may seem like a luxury to take that Me Time but it's not. It's imperative for your mental and physical health.
• Prioritize your life and keep a reliable calendar. I won't go out on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday if I have a Thursday night gig and an important day job Friday. I'll spend the first three nights of the week getting my ducks in a row so Thursday and Friday are a success. If next week is really busy then I have to prepare anything I can this week. I miss a lot of social engagements. I recognize that I have to perform well at my day job so I can afford to be a performer.
• Get strong. Find a workout regimen that challenges you and makes you stronger. Sure, losing weight is cool and all. When I was 95 lbs. I was a weakling. I'd rather weigh a bit more and have a strong body that's going to last me a lot longer. I've been doing HIIT for a few months and it's great for strength. You should work that body three to five times a week. If nothing else, take a 20 minute walk every day.
• Get a damn flu shot. The flu shot contains the most likely strains to hit North America over the next year. Save yourself the hassle of weeks of interrupted work later by getting it now.
• Keep a health journal. It doesn't have to be fancy. Jot down what you're eating, how much sleep you're getting, any physical changes or injuries, noticeable mood changes. Maybe make a note if you're dealing with work stress or late nights for gigs. Keeping this journal will help you know when something is actually wrong with you (like shortness of breath from medication) or if you just need to change something because you know the triggers (like reducing your stress and going to bed on time because your heart skips a beat when you don't).
• Reduce contact with toxic people and unnecessary stressors. Cut those bitches loose from your life. You don't need it. You're already trying to be successful at two jobs. You don't need the distraction of jerks.
• Learn your limits and stick to them. I could do seven nights of gigs per week when I was 35. I can't do that with a day job and my plan for resilience. I can do a week of seven nights of gigs in one month but I can't do that every week. I can do a late night show, teach the next day and hit the sack early before I travel again. I can nap on a plane but I can't get that deep sleep while sitting.
• Keep finding the new normal. You may wind up with more responsibilities and promotions in your day job as you get older. Theoretically, you also become a more skilled performer with age. Find the right balance for you without sacrificing your money, your passion and your health.

I wish you well.

Atomic Thursday: None More Black

I've been upgrading my cosmetics and skin care collection over the past several months. I've long admired the Atomic Cosmetics line from afar. When Dr. Jen came to visit Los Angeles earlier this year, I spent as much as I could on product. I really believe in her products. Since I've been able to try many things I figured I'd share my product reviews with you on Thursdays.

Atomic Cosmetics: None More Black Eyeshadow

I use a liner brush for a slim line.

I'm reviewing None More Black separately from the other eyeshadows because None More Black is something incredibly special. It is a purple cow in the world of eyeshadows and liners.

I have problems with kohl pencils. They're never soft enough to leave a beautiful line. When I heat the tip it gets too mushy. I also have trouble with liquid liners. Maybe I don't have the dexterity or maybe I get interrupted too many times while trying to apply. They tend to be wet just a little too long so I get smudges when I open my eyes.
I've tried several brands and I've always met with failure. I had the gloppiest wing on my cat eye.

Enter None More Black. I'm great with a brush. (I got my brush through Atomic Cosmetics. A good makeup brush can last a long time if you take care of it.) It's intense black pigment. I got some black eyeshadow from a drug store a couple years ago that has so much filler it looks light gray when applied. Yuck. None More Black is exactly like the Spinal Tap album-- there is none more black.


I scrape a little of my None More Black into the product lid with my brush. I add some makeup sealant and mix it into paint. I use that adorable brush to work from the middle of the lid to the outside, middle to inside, and touch ups on the wing. (It helps to really examine how your lid folds when your eye is open. My wing has to go a little lower because of the eyelid crease.) I scrape it into the lid before wetting so I can use the dry eyeshadow as I like. I don't have to worry about it being crusty from the sealant. It takes 30 seconds to a couple minutes for the liner to set. That's the perfect time to work on your bedroom eyes by barely opening your eyes. I typically spray my face with makeup sealant once my makeup is complete.

I usually let my product lid dry before I close it. Sometimes I spritz the lid with more sealant to reactivate on another day. Sometimes I wipe the lid with an alcohol pad to get a fresh mix. I wash my brush with liquid soap when I put away my makeup kit for the evening. If you work with black liner and black eyeshadow regularly, I recommend getting two.

None More Black has done me right. It hasn't smudged in the hours after application. It does stick to eyelash glue, so I wind up with a naked spot on my lids when I peel those lashes off. I've even used it as mascara in a pinch, mixing it with sealant and applying with a fan brush.
I'll review the eyeshadow in general in future. This product should be a staple in your kit.


I'm a huge fan of Dr. Jen, Atomic Cosmetics and Xerion Skin Science. I love supporting small businesses, especially those run by really cool women.

Atomic Thursday: Glitter Bomb

I've been upgrading my cosmetics and skin care collection over the past several months. I've long admired the Atomic Cosmetics line from afar. When Dr. Jen came to visit Los Angeles earlier this year, I spent as much as I could on product. I really believe in her products. Since I've been able to try many things I figured I'd share my product reviews with you on Thursdays.

Atomic Cosmetics: Glitter Bomb

Small & large size: blue AB, gold & AB

I typically want to look sparkly when I'm dancing. I've tried a lot of glitter solutions to get that sparkle (applying lotion and dusting with glitter that gets all over the dressing room floor, applying glitter and using a spray sunscreen as a sealant, spray glitter that makes the dogs sneeze because they obviously want to help me prepare for showgirling). Glitter Bomb is the best solution for me to grab and go, using it anywhere with little impact on those around me.

Glitter Bomb is a glitter-filled, coconut-based lotion. Squeeze a dollop out of the bottle and slather yourself down. It doesn't feel icky or sticky. It has a pleasant, natural fragrance that isn't horrifying to encounter in the dressing room. (You can order unscented.) You'll find other people are willing to help you get the hard-to-reach places, like your back. The small size is great for travel and the larger size is great for sharing. It does rub off into your clothing a bit so you'll want to wash that glitter-covered tee shirt before wearing it again. I haven't had any issues with staining from the lotion. It's also easy to wash off in the shower so you don't get glitter between the sheets.

Atomic currently has four colors listed: gold, silver, AB (aura borealis, meaning holographic clear) and pink. She also does custom blends, which you can see a fancy blue AB blend on the far left in the photo. Just let her know what you need in the notes for your order if you want something custom.

I couldn't get a great photo of the product on my skin with my phone. The lighting in my house just doesn't do it justice. If you've seen me wearing body glitter at all in the past year, I was wearing Glitter Bomb. It makes skin look ethereal, just not so much in a selfie. If you have a special event and want to have a glow, I recommend using some Glitter Bomb.

Available currently as samples, 2-ounce and 4-ounce bottles.