Tidying Up

I've been performing my "Every Sperm is Sacred" number for almost as long as I've been performing professionally.  While the jack box, singing sperm puppets and ribbon dance have remained the same, my penis has gone through some changes.

Photo by Chris Beyond

The first photo is from the debut of the number at Victory Variety Hour in 2008.  If you examine the photo closely, you'll notice I'm dancing on a tarp.  When you have a messy prop, courtesy dictates that you bring your own tarp.  My penis is a whipped cream covered in cloth.  It looks a bit like a crudely sculpted vienna sausage.  Chris photoshopped in the white wetness erupting from the can in this photo.  This version of my penis provided easy access to the nozzle so I could make it spray without distress.

The second photo is from the same show.  Note the glops of whipped cream on the stage floor.  That had to be wiped up after my number.  You can also see that I got some whipped cream on myself.  That also had to be cleaned up.  I used to take baby wipes with me when I did this number to mop myself off for curtain call.

Photo by Chris Beyond

A couple months later and at the suggestion of Penny Starr, Jr., I added some styrofoam balls and a soft sculptured glans.  I even added a patch of hair.  My prop had to be improved because people really liked the number.  I still traveled with a tarp and/or Clorox wipes for the stage.  I added a tube inside the penis cover to attach to the whipped cream nozzle so it would shoot past the glans.  I also had to start bringing a small ice chest for the whipped cream so the filling wouldn't drizzle all over the place too soon.  Premature ejaculation didn't serve the number well.

I also brought baby wipes and sometimes brought a hand towel to give myself a whore bath in the kitchen or bathroom sink after the number.  I had to spruce up for curtain call.  Each time I did the number, I had to carry the props for the number and plenty of stuff to clean up. And no matter how much I scrubbed myself down, I still smelled like old milk for the rest of the night.  There are a couple stains on my shimmy belt from the nights of creaming.  You can see this version below.

Photo by SH Photo

This number gets an enthusiastic response, and I get requests to do the number.  Always working to improve my numbers, I revamped my penis last summer.  I came up with a solution that requires no clean-up, no tarp, no ice chest and no whore bath.  My husband says that the new penis looks far more graphic than the previous incarnation.  I know it's easier on producers when they don't have to worry about a messy stage.

Let my penis be instructive, my fellow performers.  Seek to improve your props.  Streamline your numbers so they're easier to take from club to club.  Follow my bouncing balls and work to surpass your initial vision for your work.