What Our Friends Say

Despite our relationship, he gives incredible feedback.

I've been to a lot of shows over the years, mostly plays and burlesque, but I've also been to my fair share of concerts. I've been with the band, in the band, in the show, producing the show, seeing the show. I've been around live entertainment since I started public school.

It's very educational to watch the audience during a performance. You can see who really engages and involves the audience, and you can see who alienates, confuses and/or doesn't appeal. What is especially fascinating is watching friends of the performers. They're always so enthusiastic and supportive and encouraging, even when the number seems sub par. Do you have those friends who come up to you after the show and tell you that you were greaaaaaaaaat when you know you sucked? Do they always give you the thumbs up when you actually want some feedback you can use?

People are friends with us because they are attracted to us. There's something within you that appeals to your friends. It may be the qualities and viewpoints you have in common, like you both love football and voted for the tallest person in the last election. It may be the qualities that you have that they with they had, like you stand up for people and have incredible parallel parking skills. The important thing is that they're your friends because they dig something about you. Why would you be friends with someone who isn't attracted to you, doesn't like you at all?

Your friends see you with Friend Goggles. They see the qualities they admire, and they see all of the awesomeness that draws them to your circle.  Just like a lover will see the best of you, your friends do the same. They've got your back, so why would they see you as anything less than the coolest?

Friend Goggles are tricky when you're asking for feedback. As a performer, you get feedback through the friend filter of "you were sooooo gooooood." That admiration and identification doesn't give you the feedback you seek. It can be frustrating to not get the advice you seek. It can also be frustrating to learn from a not-friend that your work could genuinely use some improvement. (Not-friends aren't always delicate and caring when they critique your work.) Sometimes you just need the support of your friends so you feel good about putting yourself out there as an artist, and that's not a bad thing.

So how do you hear what you want from your friends? Let them know before they open their mouths with feedback that you're so happy that they're supporting you. It's valuable to have a support network. If you want genuine observations of how your act can improve, be specific with your request. (I'm a huge fan of precision of language so there can be no confusion.) "I'd really like to know what you liked best and what you think I could improve about my act. Can you email me tomorrow?" Be clear about what feedback you want and how you want it.

Treasure your friends for supporting you, and be smart about taking the feedback you get from them. If you're asked to give a friend feedback, I have some recommendations for you here and here.

Topless Vlog #54

Latest vlog is here! I chat about projects, TrivialiTease, and upcoming hosting gig for Burlesqueland!

Topless Vlog #53

Finally! I uploaded this on Groundhog Day, and then it was blacklisted. I don't know if that's because I forgot to tick the adult box, or maybe because I mentioned the hockey team I follow in the metadata. I asked their admins for clarification and have gotten no response. They haven't pulled my channel, so that's positive.

Fan Girl

Evie is always down for adventure.

I get a kick out of autographing things for people who dig Red Snapper. I'm always flattered because I'm just a small town girl who takes her clothes off in the big city. I've done some cool stuff, but I don't think of myself as any kind of big deal. If you ask me to autograph something, you'll get the same cheesy grin you see above because I'm tickled and amused that you want a memento of me.

Thursday I was a fan girl, and I wondered if the autographers think the same way I do. My best-good friend Evie joined me for the day of adventuring. (I love that I have a gal pal who is down for whatever random scheme I have cooked up.) We went to Long Beach at 6:30am to wait until 2pm for autographs from three of the LA Kings: Martin Jones, Jake Muzzin, and Anze Kopitar. Evie and her husband introduced us to hockey in 2011, so it was quite perfect that we went together.

This kind of signing is way different from someone buying a photo or t-shirt from me at a show and having me sign it. (I think I've signed a couple people over the years.) This is large scale stuff that wouldn't seem to give much opportunity for personal interaction or conversation. We plopped our chairs into position near the door around 7:15am, sixth and seventh in line. I brought sewing projects, she brought reading material. We had snacks, and we could trust the other folks in our chaired area in line to keep an eye on our stuff when we went to fast food places for more refreshments. (I highly recommend offering to bring something back for your seated line neighbors. It's polite and builds camaraderie.) I camped out for concert tickets back when I was a tween and teen, but never for more than three or four hours. This was a commitment, and we were prepared.

About thirty minutes before the signing was to begin, we put away our chairs and were ushered into Staples, winding our way around the entire store. Apparently the line had grown to 1000 people, and the city was getting complaints so they had to clear some of the sidewalk and alleyways. We were limited to one item per signature, so I had my jersey signed and Evie got a photo of the two of us without pants and with jerseys on signed. I had a few more personal items I was hoping to get signed (like a second copy of the photo, my nephew's birthday card, and a copy of Sports Illustrated), but I didn't push it. With 1000 people in line, they needed the line to move and their hands would've cramped horribly if they made exceptions for everyone.

I didn't anticipate having any opportunity for conversation. If I had expected it, I would have prepared myself better. I don't mean I would've had some grand speech prepared, but I would've had something intelligent to say. I try to be approachable for my fans so they don't have to go through this sort of thing.

We rounded the corner for autographs and I got my nephew's birthday card signed by Bailey. I've gotten a couple photos with Bailey, so I wasn't tongue-tied and stupid. I dig Bailey. No, my moment of stupidity came at the next stop: Martin Jones.

I should explain this a bit. Quick is the primary goaltender for the Kings, and Quick is amazing. It seems like he catches pucks with his nuts. Quick was out for a spell last season, and Jones was the backup goaltender for our backup goaltender. He won his first several games and had consecutive shutouts. He's cool as a cucumber on the ice, and he's just adorable. I think he's the same age as one of my suede coats. So I wasn't prepared to say how much I admire this kid and that I'm old enough to be his mom. (I also want to add that living in Los Angeles has a funny effect on being starstruck. You shop at the same supermarket as Uma Thurman, or get your coffee at the same gas station as Jason Alexander. I wound up starstruck by Richard Simmons, Richard Hatch from Battlestar Galactica TOS, and the guy who played Tony Dimera on "Days of Our Lives." All of these people were very much a part of my childhood as I watched TV in flyover country.)

So back to Jones. I pass over my jersey as planned and say hello, and it seems like time starts moving really slowly and I'm compelled to talk. I didn't have any planned mini-speeches, so why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? I blurt out, "I feel like such a nerd!" That was a pretty stupid thing to say because I'm making it all about my feelings and probably making it weird. It would've been weirder if I'd said, "Hey bro, I'm old enough to be your mom and I think you're great." That would be really weird. But nope, I describe myself as a nerd which actually makes me sound like a stalker and I'm so not a stalker. He looked up and said, "Why is that?" I've lost all conversational skills because I'm starstruck. How do I answer this question when I'm ill-prepared? I sound like an asshole if I say that I'm more excited to get his autograph than the two guys who've been in the NHL much longer who are next to him. (I was excited to get their autographs as well, but I wasn't tongue-tied and stupid about it.)

Somehow I manage to censor myself from saying something stupid like "I carried a watermelon." I confess that we've been there since 7am for this. I practically said I carried a watermelon. I also made it weird again because it was about me. At least I didn't say, "I'm a total fucking tool," which would've been accurate in that moment even if it was too honest. I collected my jersey and moved along to Muzzin and Kopi and was perfectly polite and didn't act like an idiot at all.

Evie and I headed back to the car, floating from autographs and feeling accomplished after investing a day in a couple lawn chairs in a Long Beach parking lot.

See, I'm more awkward than you, dear fans.

Retooling

I recommend to poor dancers to repair the costumes they have. I recommend to unemployed dancers to run the numbers they have so they can improve. Since I'm investing my cash in a new costume already, and I have one gig lined up for January, it's time to practice what I preach.

My husband has a gig this evening and I'm staying home to work on me. I haven't gone out much lately because I have commissions I'm working on, but I'm also working on my body and my acts. My eighth year as a professional burlesque dancer has commenced. I decided to pull out two acts I haven't performed in over a year and run them in my living room.

In my room

The first act I ran was "Butterflies" and I did it in full costume sans pasties and panties. This was the costume I made through the "My Final Reveal" series here. I was producing and had to create content. I wanted a panel skirt number with full panels. I wanted to use magnets. I wanted to make a dress from a pattern I had. I learned a lot as I made the costume. I put the number to "Butterflies" by Michael Jackson, a delightful and floaty tune. I don't feel like it ever fully arrived as a number. That could be why this beautiful costume didn't leave my wardrobe once in 2014, and only saw the stage once in 2013.

The costume construction lessons were incredible. The magnets were a challenge. I discovered it takes forever to rhinestone on a showgirl level with a hotfix tool. I learned that hand painting net makes it heavier than expected. I learned that Mod Podge and glitter on shoes seems like a great idea, but those shoes will stick together months after the Mod Podge has cured. I confirmed that strapless bras are a terrible idea for me and that I must have a strap of some sort.

Photo (c) Markus Alias

I put on the costume and started the song without running it in my mind as a refresher. It was liberating to not remember the choreography that didn't fully work. It was fun dancing in different shoes since the Mod Podge shoes just don't work. Little Coca Carter was absolutely fascinated with my living room performance. It was interesting. I have some distance from the number. It's not my bread and butter but I won't part with the costume. The song just doesn't work right for me in this costume.

As an experiment, I put on "Blue Prelude" and stripped to that. I'm not incredibly familiar with the song, but it's a striptease classic for a very good reason. It worked so much better! I may or may not use that song for this costume in future, but I realized the costume is worth putting to work again. I made notes of the repairs it needed and taped them to the garment bag. I'll get to those soon.

I was very warm and Coca Carter was eager to participate in my dancing, so I did a simpler version of another song. I pulled out "If," which I haven't performed since 2013. It has a chunk of floor work and I had a knee injury early last year. I didn't put on the costume and I didn't crawl on the floor. I danced the number as I remembered it, and realized I need to revisit the choreography to fully remember it. I'm not culling the number; I just need to find a producer who wants to see me dance hip hop. (This is good hip hop. I had a choreographer for this number. It's not like me and Evie getting served in hip hop class.)

I may just do this again next weekend. It was an incredible learning experience and very freeing.

Topless Vlog #52

Vlog is here!

I am absolutely ridiculous and give you a little hello to start off the new year.

LINKS:
Madison Hurley Photography
1/30 Double Vision Burlesque

Social Media for Introverts

If you're reading this, you're taking a step in the right direction of tackling social media even though you're an introvert. You know that you need to get busy on the social media front to promote your goods, services, skills, and business.

Social media is necessary for three reasons: showing your value and reach, promoting activities and products, and engagement that creates relationships.

1. Showing your value and reach. At its most basic, this would be your numbers of followers, likes, subscribers, people in your circles, etc.  The numbers have surface value because they indicate how much reach you could potentially have, and they are considered as an indication of your popularity. A number of these subscribers could be false profiles (spammers who create accounts, people who forget their password and create new accounts while leaving the old accounts in the ether), people who followed you even though they don't know who you are/what you do, and the same one person who has several accounts (aliases, business profiles, etc.). People like seeing these numbers because they're an apparent popularity rating. Your reach extends beyond your immediate circle when you make content public and people share that content with people who aren't already on your social media list. You want to increase your numbers, but you can't stop there.
2. Promoting activities and products. If someone hires you to perform in a public show, you are expected to promote that show and help that brand succeed, making the money to cover your fees. If you make widgets, you have to get the word out so people know what you have to offer. (Newspaper ads and printed mailbox fliers are like rotary phones in these modern times.) If you are on social media, you have something to promote.
3. Engagement that creates relationships. This is what it's all about - getting people to care about you, your business, your product. You want them to think positively about you. You want to have real, valuable interactions like a real person. Social media fails if it seems like it's being run by robots. You have to engage with followers to create relationships with them. You never know where your next job will come from. If you engage smartly, you create brand ambassadors from your fanbase. These people will bang the drum for you because they think you're special.

Now you know why you need social media. How do you navigate the social media sphere without coming across as a robot or a jerk?

• Be true to your product. Share things that reflect the values and attitudes of your product. If you juggle fire, you can share photos of getting your fire certification from the local fire station, videos of practice sessions, and tidbits about your life as a fire juggler. ("I've singed my hair three times this morning working on my new act. Time for a haircut!") If you make handbags, you can share photos of the raw materials you use, videos of great sewing techniques, and tidbits about your handbag adventures. ("We were asked to create a new messenger bag with interchangeable straps. I think this second prototype will be the winner. Stay tuned!")
• You should post regularly so people who follow you know that you exist, and you should post slices of life. Yes, people want to know about your next show or your new product or your next community outreach activity. More importantly, they want to know about YOU. They want great storytelling and slices of life. Here is a sample:
  
• Interact with other people and businesses that are in line with what you do. If you make handbags, interact with small businesses that make shoes and clothing designers and models. Interact with boutiques that might consider selling your product, and people who would be potential customers. If you dance, interact with other dancers, instructors, costume designers, producers, and potential audience. Like, favorite, share, and comment on their posts. You don't have to interact with everything they post, but you will have to interact in order to show up on their radar and engage. The goal is to get them to talk back to you. This is how you build social media relationships. Here is a sample:
  
  If you engage them enough, they may just follow you back. :)
• Join online groups and tribes where people are talking about the things that align with your brand. Join performers groups in the areas where you perform or want to perform. Join sewing groups. Join outreach groups that support the things that are important to you and your brand. Comment when appropriate, but mostly you should sit back and watch until you feel comfortable saying something. Observe the rules and relationships of the group so you don't put your foot in your virtual mouth your first day in the group.

If you build relationships, you will have people who listen when you have something to promote. Your audience will already like and trust you, so they're more likely to take that next step and support you. Get them to like you so much that they'll part with $20 to buy your calendar or commit to leaving the couch and spending $15 on a ticket to see you perform live.

If you're incredibly introverted and need lots of motivation to post on social media, try this out for starters: two posts per day on every social media outlet you currently have, two likes/shares/comments per day on every social media outlet you currently have. These two posts can be videos, photos, or text posts ABOUT YOU. After you hit those two posts ABOUT YOU, then you can share the event page or flier for your next show. (I know producers will push performers to promote shows. In my experience, they're trying to reach the people who haven't promoted at all without singling them out. If you promote every couple days after posting ABOUT YOU, you'll be fine.)

You're going to be forced to leave your comfortable, introverted shell to have any kind of social media presence. It's called social media, not leave me the hell alone media. It's okay if it takes you a couple hours to like a comment. It's okay if you have instant messaging turned off. You are your own promotional machine, and social media allows you to do that without forcing you to bother putting on pants to get to work