Six Ways to Suck Ass as a Dance Teacher

I've taken a lot of dance classes, and these are some alarming traits I've observed among "dance teachers."  I am not exaggerating.  Each of these things happened in classes I've paid good money to take, some of them have occurred many times in different classes.

1. Don't warm up your students, especially if you're teaching a beginner class that requires a lot of movement.  It's beginner class so they should already know what muscles they'll be using and should've warmed them up on the drive to the studio.
2. Don't explain the mechanics of the steps and assume they already know the technique you're covering, especially if it's beginner class.  They should already know what you're covering.  What kind of idiot takes a dance class if they don't already know how to dance?
3. Make up the moves as you go.  You don't want them learning how to really dance and stealing your opportunities.  Start on the one then start on the four.  Mix it up so they can't really keep up.  If they ask you to clarify the choreography, tell them they just need to feel it and have fun.  They'll eat that up.
4. Point out individual shortcomings and laugh at your students.  Don't try to give generalized advice or quietly correct individual mechanics.  It's far better for you to stand in front of the class and say, "You there, you're making the stupidest faces while you're trying to do the moves and you keep tensing up your leg so you look stupid. Ha!"
5. Class isn't about imparting your knowledge to others.  It's about showcasing your talent when you're on a break from touring or shooting music videos or whatever.  Show off what you can do and make sure your students can't copy the moves.  It's much like putting on a dance showcase to a captive audience but you don't have to get dressed and you get paid.
6. Treat your class like a cult.  Have your students give up deodorant, wear uniforms, and speak of you reverently.  Touch your new students in a way that might be considered inappropriate; if they complain or react as if it's inappropriate, they might not work out as cult members.  Hell, have sex with your willing students to seal the culty deal.  (This only happened once, but it was too good to leave out.  I like to refer to this teacher as "bad touch guy.")

With these simple steps and little to no training, you can be a "dance teacher" in no time flat.

But in all seriousness, friends don't let friends take shitty dance classes.  Tell people about the great dance teachers you've had, the great classes you've taken, and warn them against the jackasses who would land on this list.