Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Dance Class Challenge: 80/100 - Hip Hop 4 of 4

For my final hip hop class in this series, I convinced Evie to be part of my posse.  Remember, Evie and I were served nearly one year ago.  I knew we wouldn't get served in this class, even if she laughed the entire class.  I also dragged her along because she's a great workout partner, and she's been in enough dance class with me to know what I'm talking about when I say the teacher doesn't start on the one.

When I was a girl and we first had segregated physical education classes, I remember the girls teaching one another the Running Man in the locker room one day when we were supposed to be changing.  I watched and considered learning, somehow sensing it would be useful to know for survival later in life.  I ignored my Spidey sense, threw on my leather jacket, and walked cool all the way out of the gym.

Last night the Running Man appeared in our warm up.  I guess that's something I should've taken the time to learn over half a lifetime ago.  Since it was in the warm up, there was no explanation of how to do it; we were just supposed to know it.  Oops.  I thought I'd get remedial Running Man lessons in the series since it is hip hop for beginners.

Like the last hip hop class I attended (pre-cooties), I laughed, had fun and burned calories.  I can't say I'd recommend this as a series since the weekly content doesn't build.  Each class is self-contained.  It's fine for a workout, but it's not a class for learning technique you can mix and match to apply in the real world.

I think if Evie and I got served on the street we'd look like a couple ridiculous cheerleaders after last night's combination.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Dance Class Challenge: 79/100 - Stretch Zone

I was out of commission for nearly a week from the sinus flu.  I missed hip hop, tango and Slimmons last week, setting me back significantly in my hundred classes and not helping my waistline during the biggest eating holiday of the year.  I think I may finally commit to a flu shot this year.

Through hard work and careful negotiating, I managed to get my day job schedule to accommodate my need for dance classes and costume time.  This morning was the first day of my new schedule, so gal pal Evie Lovelle and I hit Bill's Stretch Zone.  I've talked about Bill many times before.  He's just an amazing guy.

Doing little more than drinking, eating and blowing my nose for a week, I really needed a good stretch.  Bill has incredible taste in music, so the selections playing the the background make me feel longer and leaner.  I felt much brighter and much happier after class.  I'm hoping I can keep this on my weekly schedule.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Set Phasers to NONE!

This may seem a bit intimate, but I share this with you, dear reader, because I know people have questions and don't always have the easiest time getting answers.  This is especially pertinent for entertainers.

For many years, I've gone to waxers so I'd have a clean "canvas."  I had a wonderful aesthetician named Jenik in the Valley for a few years, but I changed jobs and the Valley was no longer convenient.  For the past year or so, I've been visiting Simona, a delightful and efficient gal.  But the money adds up over time, and I'd rather spend that money on costumes or travel.  I started considering laser hair removal.

I have a friend with light skin and dark hair (perfect for lasering) who has had great success with it.  I have another friend whose skin and hair tones are close to my own, and she said she's noticed a significant difference.  When the Groupon deal came up for a groovy laser deal, I jumped on it.  It would cost less than four Brazilians to get six laser treatments on the same area with the deal.  I recognize that I may have to purchase additional treatments to be completely hairless, but I also might be smooth as a cue ball within my six sessions.

As part of the preparation, I had to shave my lady junk.  I've never shaved my lady junk, so I took my time and had two excellent tools on my side.  First, I followed the advice of Pin Curl Magazine to get the perfect shave.  (I skipped the anti-perspirant step at the end because I was going to get lasered an hour later.)  Second, I used a Noxema bikini razor for the tenderest of my lady bits.  It has a bit of a safety guard below the blades so you don't get important parts caught in the razor.  The shaving was the scariest part of the entire procedure for me.  Thankfully, I should only have to do it a few more times.

When I was seated by the nurse, she asked if I burned in the sun.  Since I do, they were able to set the phasers -- er, lasers -- on a high setting for most of the procedure.  I was slathered with aloe gel and she started the procedure.  It felt like rubber band snaps but the discomfort didn't linger as it sometimes does with waxing.  The most sensitive parts were the conventional postage stamp area, the inch and a half they reference in Team America World Police, and the backdoor.  It took about ten minutes for the procedure, and I was out the door as if nothing happened.  Sure, I'll be intimate with the antibacterial ointment for a few days to promote healing, but that's it.  I go back in four to six weeks for my second round.

Now I just have to keep my eyes out for more deals for the other areas that need to be hairless.  It would be wonderful to never have to shave my legs again.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Final Touches on Debut Costume From 2007

This is it.  The costume in its final glory with all the changes I made.

Updating the Snapper Suit

I made a few more updates to my Red Snapper costume. Let us first take a look at the new panties. In truth, they're the old panties -- really old panties. I bought these from Victoria's Secret when I was in college and wore them maybe three times before I decided I needed cotton only next to my most sacred bits. They've been in a drawer since. (Ignore the white boy shorts with black trim beneath them as best you can. I didn't bother with nude safety panties for rehearsals in the living room.) I used some rhinestones on the front before. They just weren't flashy enough so I used the same trim as on the bra around the waistband. I also took some of the beaded trim and glued the swirly trim on top of it before hand stitching a little noisy trim band around each leg opening. Now they make lots of noise when I shake them. I think this is my favorite new feature on the new costume.

I also added a real skirt. The elastic skirt I had before was more of a temporary solution. Without a running car, I haven't been able to go to the fabric store to pick up some shiny fabric. Instead, I took my belly dance skirt that had the same fabric that the bra once had as a covering, and I shortened it. It's above my knee now. I removed the zipper and added ribbons to tie it closed. I trimmed the hem and little tease slits with the same fringe as I used on the bra. It's easy to remove and has nice movement when I shake my tush.

Something that's been really useful in this process is rehearsing in the costume pieces I plan to use for performance. I've had time to work with each piece, make mistakes with it and improve it. I'm so familiar with my costume that I'm very confident that I'll pull of this performance Saturday.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

My Final Reveal: Alternative Shoes

I spent an hour looking for replacement shoes.  The shoes I sent back were too big and they were too dark for what I wanted.  I looked for the same style in a smaller size and in nude (easier to paint) but had no luck.  Because I liked the platform and heel height, I hunted for a shoe by the same company.  I found a lovely nude platform pump that I can paint and rhinestone as appropriate.  I'd share a photo. but my work computer sucks and I have to blog from my phone.  I'll share a pic when they arrive.

Total spent so far: $107.67 and 11:25.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Monday Night Tease! presents The 4th Annual Muppet of Burlesque Show

Monday Night Tease! presents:

The 4th Annual Muppet of Burlesque Show

Hosted by: Rex The Impossible & Tuba

Burlesque performances:

Isabella Starr is Miss Piggy
Prix du Beaute & Ari are Bert and Ernie
Anastasia Von Teaserhausen is the Swedish Chef
Kate Fox is Rolf the Dog
Funny Eddie & Rob The Balloon Guy as Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker
Dizzy Von Damn! is Gonzo
Dia Blow is Animal
Red Snapper
Mr Snapper sings the Rainbow Connection
Vixen Magdalene presents the Dr Steel Show
Jewel of Denial and Emmit Otter’s Jug Band

Bar Opens: 6pm
Seating Starts: 9:30pm
Show Starts: 10pm

Cover charge for November 21st, 2011
$15 advance tickets
$15 (tickets available at the door - seating may not be available)

3 Clubs
1123 Vine St.
(Vine at Santa Monica)
Los Angeles, CA 90038

No photography. Performers subject to change without notice. Plenty of free street parking.

21+, full bar, no food.

Need help?
Email Lili with any questions:

Reservations available for parties of six or more, 818-378-8866 or

Follow us on twitter: @MNTease
You'll get updates and flyers for discounts.

Sunday, November 20, 2011


As Peepshow Menagerie is celebrating the music of DEVO this month in their burlesque show, we've decided to do a show dedicated to music. From band and musician essays to song lyrics, join the L.A. chapter of NAKED GIRLS READING as they rock out with their books out! Great for fans of music and smart naked beautiful women alike!

704 Heliotrope Drive (Just off Melrose)
Los Angeles, CA, 90029

Doors: 7pm
Sunday,November 20th
$18 door/ $15 advance
(advance discount tickets available via paypal from

Featuring our readers:

RED SNAPPER (you know I'm going to read awesome stuff because I grew up with music)

(Miss Josie Bunnie who is featured on the card will not be able to do the event this weekend so Spy Kitten had taken her place. If Advance Ticket Sales are strong, we will add another reader)

An intimate wine reception will follow the reading.

Naked Girls Reading is a group of beautiful ladies who love to read…naked. That’s really it. There’s not a whole lot more to it. Should there be?

There’s something beautiful, something altogether more intimate, about a woman reading to you pretty much anything in her, well, altogether. It’s just that simple. So why are we still talking about it? Because people can’t seem to accept its simplicity.

Naked Girls. Reading.

or Girls Reading. Naked.

However you need to explain it to yourself is fine. And while you do, we’ll be over here…reading.


18 & Up - Adults Only
No Cameras Allowed

“The best thing to happen to books since they were put on tape.”
– Last Call with Carson Daly

“The most provocative literary series in the world.”
– The Globe and Mail

Show Posters:

Advance Discount Tickets available NOW at:

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Stunning! at Hamburger Mary's

Tonight I'm one of two burlesque dancers in this fantastic drag show at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood.  (I believe there's a $5 or $10 cover.)  Fun show, great food, and you get to tip the performers.  For more details, go here.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Performance Costume From 2007

From my boring ol' regular person blog on this date in 2007.  You can see the changes I made to the costume for my solo debut (unpaid) in December 2007.  I performed in this costume once, made some repairs then sold it.  I didn't love it as much as the things that came later.

Everything Old Is New Again

As I mentioned a few days ago, I've made some changes to my first burlesque costume. In fact, there have been so many changes that you could probably call it my second burlesque costume except that I never really performed in the first costume.

I'll start with the changes to the bra. The bra had the same trim at the top (squiggles) and rhinestones. I removed the back strap and shoulder straps and gave it ties for the back and a halter. It's easier to untie clothes and let them fall off than it is to fidget with those tiny bra hooks. I then added fringe and beaded trim to the bottom half of the bra cups. I recall hearing in one class or another: "If you think you may have gone too far [with costume embellishments], do more." The bra is now a heavier but more glorious beast than before.

The corset I had before was unmanageable. I didn't want to spend $50+ on a beautiful new corset with laces to embellish. Let's face it -- I've already spent a handful of dollars on costumes for the pole show. I don't need to spend that much more right now. Instead, I went on eBay and found a cupless bustier with a zipper on the front. I took my $1 package of black sequined trim and glued it to each of the stays. I put Swarovski crystals on the lace on the front. I took the trim from the bottom of the other corset and put it on this one, leaving the zipper free and clear. It looks great. If I have too many cookies, I have a hard time zipping it up. Guess I'll have to lay off for a little while. I used the same trim on the tops of my gloves to fancy them up a little more.

More costume bits to come.

Dance Class Challenge: 78/100 - Argentine Tango 3 of 6

"I wouldn't swap partners if I knew you'd be left alone in the corner to pleasure yourself." - Mr. Snapper

We missed last week's class since I had a lot of preparation to do and I was flying out early the next morning for a whirlwind tour of Arkansas.  Since it was the second class, I didn't anticipate we'd miss out on much.  We reviewed the dance hold versus the student  hold and worked on our basic at the beginning of class.  It seems like there were five to ten less people in the class than the first week.  Mr. Snapper and I did our round of dance at the very beginning of class.  Then it was time to switch partners.  (Of course, we had a couple trying to ram into us for that first round of dance, chasing us across the floor like they were ghosts in a game of Pac Man.)

I passed over two couples who wouldn't swap partners and wound up with a nice guy.  We did the basic for a few minutes and laughed.  Switch.

My next partner was a lady.  She was sweet but a bit frail.  I was afraid I'd hurt her in the student hold, and I didn't feel like I was being lead.  (As a dance partner, I require a firm hand so I don't have to back lead.)  Time to work on the front ochos.  Awesome.  So we briefly learned our forward ochos.  This sweet lady wouldn't let me complete my ochos so I wound up just twisting in place.  Switch.

No partner this time.  Great.  I brought my own partner and now I'm stuck without one.  Oh, and this part really required a partner.  Awesome.  So I tried working on my ochos but I don't have a partner to help support my weight for the turns.  I'm also potentially developing bad habits.  Great.  Switch.

I passed the girl who had the outfit in the first class and her partner.  (She looked pretty worn out last night and wasn't wearing an outfit.  I was surprised.)  Back to my nice guy partner for another round.  So we did forward ochos briefly.  Switch.

My next partner was an older fellow who knew how to lead a woman.  He gave me some good pointers for my back ochos.  The bumper car couple from the beginning of the evening didn't notice there were other students in the class and nearly crashed into us.  We also had a couple late-comers who seemed to be making love on the dance floor and they almost got their love juices on us.  (I really hate when people aren't even making an attempt at being conscientious of other people's space.  They didn't even apologize for the crashing at the beginning of the night.)  I was sad when my dance ended with the older fellow because he was a great partner.  Switch.

Back to the same nice guy.  What the hell?  I mean, he was nice and all, but where did all the partners go and how did he wind up in my path three times?!  He wasn't sure how to switch me from front ochos to back ochos and the teacher disappeared so we couldn't ask any questions.  Laughing our way through back ochos, we were hoping to get the teacher's attention when he returned to the classroom.  I almost told my partner we needed to look as remedial as possible so we could get some help, but that might have made  him feel bad so I didn't.  (Of course, looking remedial was still no guarantee we would've gotten the teacher's attention.)  Switch.

Finally, back to my beloved.  We danced and crashed into the bumper car couple.  (Mr. Snapper said it wasn't on purpose, but it sure did seem like it.)  He was frustrated from all the limp noodle partners and the lack of correction and assistance from the teacher during the class.  He was also frustrated that nice girls who permit others to dance with their partners wind up pleasuring themselves in the corner alone.  We had one good dance with each other before class was over.

What will next week hold?  Will I be a bitch and refuse to swap partners so I don't wind up in the corner?  Will I wear an outfit?  Will the teacher correct us as necessary?  Only time will tell.

Dance Class Challenge: 77/100 - Hip Hop 2 of 4

Tuesday night's class was significantly better. While there were only half the students of the first class, the moves were clearer and easier to follow. We did just enough counts for it to be fun, challenging and doable.

I think my outfit helped. I need to get a hip hop outfit so I can attach a picture to my next blog. It also helped that we danced to Snoop.
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Saturday, November 12, 2011

Fantastic Femmes: A Burlesque Fan Dance Extravaganza


L.A.'s "Go All the Way Girl," returns to Little Rock to fascinate us with her fabulous fan dancing!

And Featuring:

Little Rock's very own DIAMOND DAMES!
Your favorite hometown burly-q girlies will tickle your fancy with their dazzling displays of feathers & tassels!

With Special Guest Appearances By:


CINNAMON TWIRL, Spa City's Red Hot Mama of Burlesque!

PUSS POWERBOTTOM, the best butler in boylesque!

Hosted By:


All these lovely ladies are together on the awesome new Juanita's Cantina stage in the happening River Market district in Little Rock!!!

Doors at 9pm/Show at 10pm.
$10 at the door.
18+ (That means all you underage kiddos that never get to come out & see us, this is your chance to show your support for burlesque in Arkansas!)

Brought to you by the Arkansas Pin Up & Burlesque Society.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Foul Play Cabaret Show

Miranda is turning 30!!

Join us at Low Key to celebrate with boobs, booze, and birthday cake! The always wonderful, Blue Screen Skyline will be on stage to melt your hearts and your faces. Foul Play Cabaret will be shaking up the stage with a very special guest, RED SNAPPER!!

Doors open at 8:00
Blue Screen Skyline at 9:00
Girls, Girls, Girls 10:30
$10 at the door

Alcohol will be available for purchase so find a D.D. and bring your I.D.'s!!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Arkansas Gets Press!

Go read this article about burlesque in my birth state!  Way to go, kids!

Arkansas: A Day of Snapper Classes

Sign up now on my class page. :)

My First Burlesque Costume From 2007

This is another gem from my regular ol' boring person blog from this date in 2007.  I post this to show you what I went through as a baby dancer, how I struggled with costumes and found solutions.  I hope this helps you feel less alone in your endeavors. :)


I worked really hard a few months ago on my Red Snapper costume. The goal was for it to be my first performance costume and become something of a signature piece. I had to slap it together because I needed some sort of costume for burlesque camp back in August. The bra was a challenge to unhook and the corset was laden with problems. While I made it from scratch, I didn't use stretchy fabric so it didn't fit like it needed to. I also had to add an extra panel so I could close it since the finished form was so tight. The boning would poke out and scratch me. It was lovely, but I needed something else. My little ruffle skirt has an elastic waist and isn't as easy to pull off as I need.

I decided to do some revamping. A couple classes with burlesque costumers taught me to put ties on the bra so it's easier to remove. I bought an underbust corset that zips up the front (also for ease of removal). I have a wrap-around skirt to bang out some time this weekend so I can cover my tail but easy removal. I'm removing the trim from this outfit and I've taken the rhinestones and already put them on the new get-up. In one class, I was told that if you look at the costume and wonder if you've decorated it too much, then it's time to decorate it even more. I used the same bra, gloves and panties but they're embellished with fringe, beads, ruffles and rhinestones. I'll post new pictures as soon as I can take them.

Note from 2011: This number did not become a signature anything.  I find that a signature piece winds up being something you're known for doing all the time.  I abandoned the song I originally wanted to use because it didn't quite feel right for this outfit.  With this costume I wanted to make a costume that said "burlesque!" very obviously.  I later found that was unnecessary.  I still use the crinoline, hacked up the bustier for parts and sold the gloves as part of the next edition of this costume.  I also sold the wig.  My small forehead doesn't lend itself to wigs without bangs.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Dance Class Challenge: 76/100 - Hip Hop 1 of 4

Hip hop challenges me, and I've been served before.  I want to be able to hold my own for half a round of getting served, so I enrolled in a four-week hip hop class.  Tonight was the first night.

The hip hop class I took last year ("sexy" hip hop) gave me an idea of what to expect from a hip hop class: a good sweat, a dorky feeling, and some new moves that don't really have names.  I definitely got that from tonight's class.  I was dorking it up, front and center, in my pigtails and lime green track pants.  I got sweaty, laughed through class, and learned some stuff (even if my gangsta fists look like ballerina hands).

This is the first hip hop series at this studio, and I think they're still trying to find the best format for the class.  I don't want to be unfair in my review of the class.  That being said, the class was listed as beginner friendly.  I was challenged but picked up the choreography okay; I've taken hundreds of hours of dance classes so I can pick up a minute or so of choreography with a low percentage of dropped steps.  I'm not new to dance classes and I was in the front of the class.  Other students were more challenged than me, and I could see some frustration among my classmates from my position near the mirror.  Our teacher, enthusiastic and skilled, wasn't teaching us in 4- or 8-count sections.  He'd count a little then give wordless, onomatopoetic cues.  It was hard to know when to start and stop, to know how long each move should take, and to land from a turn or a step at the correct time.  I started playing follow-the-leader because my music counting skills weren't helping me.  As much fun as I had, I know my husband wouldn't return to finish the series after the first class because he would be frustrated.  Good thing I didn't talk him into taking this one with me.

For a beginner class, we tackled too much material for the first night.  I look forward to next week's class to see how it evolves after the first class.  I was expecting basic steps and choreography to put those steps to use, but I'm down for learning chunks of choreography.  I hope my fellow students return and have some degree of success in the series.  If there were definite counts, I would've nailed the choreography.  I didn't do too bad tonight, but I'm hoping none of us gets served before next Tuesday night.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

My Final Reveal: Goodbye, Shoes

I returned my shoes because they were too big.  I was about to set out and buy another pair in white, a size smaller, ready to floral spray paint them and embellish them, but I found myself at BurlyCon with a hold on my debit card for possible hotel incidentals so I haven't ordered them yet.  Evie and I are going to have a bit of a craft-a-thon in December, so I don't have to have them before my Arkansas trip.

The good news: I was refunded $46.32 for the shoes.  The shipper kept the cost of shipping them to me, which is totally fair.

I haven't worked on the costume since before BurlyCon because I had to finish revamping my "Flower Duet" costume for my Arkansas trip.  (And speaking of "Flower Duet," it's making its debut at Monday Night Tease this week.  It's never been there before.)  I'll be back at the blue gown around Thanksgiving; we're making snappers for the Muppet of Burlesque Show on the 21st.

Total so far: $59.89 and 10:25.

Dance Class Challenge: 75/100 - Slimmons

Have I mentioned how much I love Richard Simmons?  Look at that wicked grin.  That should tell you how much I love Richard Simmons.  (And look at that incredible Diamond Dames tee!)

Today's soundtrack was disco, so Mr. Snapper and I were delighted.  Fellow burlesque friends Dia Blow and Estella Detroit were in class as well.  We had a good, thorough workout.  I left the class with one of Uncle Dicky's books for my next reading project; his mother was a fan dancer in New Orleans and I'd love to know more about her.

Over all the years of my life, I never did crunches correctly until I started the postnatal Tracy Anderson workout and started taking classes with Uncle Dicky.  That's decades of strain on my neck and upper back.  I feel my abs working in every class requiring ab work now, not just his class.  The correct training makes a huge difference.

With all the movement classes I've been taking, I'm not losing any weight.  That's a sad confession for me.  On the bright side, my clothes are looser.  I feel slimmer and my body feels tighter.  I know I'm finally regaining muscle.

Twenty-five classes to go and seven weeks to get them done.  Can I do it, folks?

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Dance Class Challenge: 74/100 - Argentine Tango 1 of 6

In a move of general awesomeness, Mr. Snapper agreed to take this six-week series with me.  Since this is a social dance, it helps that we'll both be able to do it socially.  He also has the ass of a dancer and takes his clothes off for pay, so it makes sense that he'd at least take a few dance classes here and there.

The classes at Third Street Dance start right on time and end right on time.  We got a late start and walked in moments before our instructor started the lesson.  Our first class addressed posture, the basic steps, leading and following.  As social and ballroom classes urge the changing of partners continuously during class, I only danced with him once and worked my way to the opposite side of the room by quitting time.

I try to be a pleasant dance partner.  It took some work for me, modern woman and all, to be willing to follow.  (Men, don't lead with apologies in partner dances.  Just take a firm hand and guide your partner.  That's what will make you stand out as a good dancer.)  I still find myself trying to lead into the next step of the basic when my partner is uncertain, but at least I catch myself and stop trying to guide the dance.  I look my partner in the eyes and smile, even if my partner is looking at the floor or at the upper left corner of the room for the next move.  (I'm surprised how many people won't look me in the damn eye!)  I danced with two ladies since there were five women without partners in class, and they led me better than some men.

Women are fierce about not rotating away from the partner they brought to class.  The one swing class I stayed with Mr. Snapper the entire time was the week I was in a hand brace; I knew he would handle my injury appropriately.  Some women seem to liken swapping dance partners to being promiscuous.  I tried to rotate to the first man on my right at the beginning of the class and it was apparently a problem for his lady.  I asked if she was rotating or if they were just dancing together and she looked at him and said, "It's up to you," as if daring him to "cheat."  He didn't know what to do, tossed the decision back to her, then it was back to him, and she decided to sit that round out while I danced with her partner.  We smiled, we laughed, we learned a step, then we rotated.  No, I rotated; she stepped back in and didn't leave his side for the rest of the class. (You know those television episodes where the couple takes ballroom dance because she's trying to save the relationship by showing how sexy she is and her thought is to be the sexiest person in the room to him?  Yeah, I think that was her goal based on her outfit.  This girl hammered the instructor with questions on how to be technically perfect with this relaxed social dance; I get a feeling that it was seriously important to her, not just a fun way to spend her time.)  There were four or five other couples that refused to rotate on my way to the other side of the room.  I'm sure some of them will be more comfortable with partner-swapping around class five, but last night they wouldn't budge.

Let me just add for my single male readers that partner dance classes are a great way to meet women and learn how to handle them.  Five ladies without partners.  Five.  Sure, you don't get to really engage them in conversation in the first class because you're so busy learning the moves, but you can in later classes.  You may wind up with a coffee date later in the session.  You may just wind up knowing how to handle a woman on the dance floor so you become known as a good dancer and ladies line up to be in your arms.  Either way, take my advice and enroll in one of these classes.