Saturday, June 29, 2013

My Final Reveal: Mr. Snapper Edition part 2

(Guest post by Mr. Snapper.)

I purchased the “Caped Crime Fighter” pattern from Williams Studio 2. This includes professionally drafted and printed patterns for the trunks, cowl cover, and cape; and templates for the Bat symbol, utility belt, belt buckle, and glove. Well worth the $34.99 plus shipping! The pattern pieces come in one size: Adam West. You see, these things are drafted directly from an original on-screen costume. As it turns out, Adam West circa 1966 and I share the same waist size.

Red picked up my trunk fabric from Levine’s, a heavyweight nylon spandex. I haven’t cut the pieces yet, but it’s ready to go.

Today I ordered the patterns for the tights and the leotard. Per Chuck Williams’ recommendation on the Batman 1966 message board, I went with Kwik Sew patterns 1727 and 3502. We went downtown and picked up a microfiber cotton (or perhaps polycotton) spandex in the RIGHT SHADE OF GREY. See, On Stage Dancewear? It does exist. The tights fabric came from Blue Moon Fabric on 9th Street, a place Evie Lovelle introduced to Red.

I returned the On Stage tights and leotard for a full refund. I should get that money back next week. Jerks.

Tomorrow, I pick up boots and the bits and pieces I need for the utility belt. So today’s tally doesn’t include that.

Total spent to date: $223.14 (but that includes the $109 fucking that On Stage Dancewear gave me. That should be refunded by the next time I blog) and approx. 2:30

Thursday, June 20, 2013

My Final Reveal: Mr. Snapper Edition

(Guest post by Mr. Snapper.)

This past Saturday night, while Red was shaking her ass at the Time Traveller’s ball in Dallas, Mr. Buddy and I were hosting the third staging of Yadi Presents Gotham Girls Burlesque. This particular outing was at the Yost theater in charming Santa Ana, before a crowd of 600 people.
When Yadi asked me to co-host as Batman, she offered to provide the costume. That was very cool, and I greatly appreciate that she did that for me. I want to make sure that I say that, because I’m afraid the rest of this series might come off as ungrateful or dickish. I may be a dick, but I am a grateful dick. 

The costume is an off-the-rack halloween costume:

Serviceable. For the first few shows, perfectly fine! But here’s the catch: we’re doing this show in San Diego during Comic-Con. Without a doubt there will be someone in the audience who has poured their heart and soul into recreating a Batman costume. Maybe the functional Christopher Nolan version, maybe the nipple-tastic Joel Schumacher abomination; perhaps the most stylish take on the Caped Crusdader ever, the classic, 1966 Adam West Batsuit.

I cannot stand up in front of hardcore cosplayers in an off-the-rack halloween costume. That would be like wearing jean cut-offs to the Oscars.

Since I’m taking my inspiration to build a better Bat from the cosplay community, what better place to start? Right away I discovered the 1966 Batman Message Board. The path to my goal is well taped. Lynne and Chuck Williams in particular have done a significant part of that taping! 

I’m starting with the tights. Before I had dug too deeply into the message board, I was looking at zentai-style body suits. Yeah. Not it. Too shiny, too … snug. From the message board I discovered the best approach is a leotard/tights combination. For one, I will have an easier time going to the bathroom. For two, the lines are better.

On one of the boards I found a suggestion to purchase the needed tights from a company in New York called On Stage Dancewear. They can make it in supplex, a nylon/lycra micro fiber fabric with a matte finish. And look at one of the colors they offer it in:

Say! That’s a pretty good Batman grey, wouldn’t you say? The leotard and tights were a custom order, which meant a wait of two weeks and spending more money than I’m comfortable spending on this sort of thing: $109. But hey, the tights will be perfect, and I can get to work on the far more difficult aspects of this costume.

The tights arrived in the mail yesterday:

They seem rather … charcoal, wouldn’t you agree? For the above picture, I laid the unpacked tights on top of the Halloween costume. This should give you a better idea of just how much On Stage Dancewear fucked me.

I called them today, and pointed out that the color preview online is WILDLY different from what they actually sent me. The fellow I spoke to assured me that the supplex grey is the dark-as-the-pit-of-hell charcoal grey. Oops. And the only grey fabric they have that comes close to what they advertise as “grey” is in good ol’ shiny spandex. A color called “silver,” which sort of drives home just how shiny that fabric is bound to be.

They are willing to refund or exchange. The least they can do, really, seeing as how they fucked me. In order to work the exchange for shiny spandex tights, I have two options:

1. Return the charcoal grey leotard/tights for a full refund. At the same time place a new order for the leotard/tights in Spandex. This most likely will be charged to me at the time of order, which means I’m out even more money immediately.

2. Return the charcoal grey leotard/tights for exchange. They won't start making the new ones until the old ones arrive and are processed, 4 or 5 days. Add one more week to the whole process.

I ask if there’s anything they can do for me, seeing as how they fucked me. Nope. If I do option 2, they will have time to send me a swatch of silver spandex. Any chance they will do that, so I can ensure no further fucking occur? Nope. Will they at least buy me a bagel before fucking me? Who am I kidding.

Great. Pleasure doing business with you.

Morose, I dig further into the forums. I discover that Kwik Sew patterns exist for the tights and leotard. Red’s good friend and fellow burlesquer Evie Lovelle knows of a couple of places where I can purchase the right fabric in the correct color. I have decided that this is the path I will take, as I can most likely put this together in half the time it will take On Stage Dancewear to fuck me again. As for them, they can kindly return my money. 

Next time … Will Mr. Snapper haggle for a good price on fabric?

Will he manage to sew his own tights?

Will he begin to panic about the incredible chore that
awaits him when it comes time to make a Bat cowl?

Tune in next week to find out! Same Snapper Time, same Snapper Channel! 

Total spent to date: $109 and way more time than any reasonable human being should spend on the phone to New York explaining how what was promised was not what was delivered, and being told that there was basically no way to resolve the issue without fucking him further.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Snapper Rewedding: Arranging Flowers

Thanks to Rex for hunting for these in Vegas!
I decided to do something a bit unconventional for the rewedding.  Instead of live flower arrangements, I'm getting hair flowers and decorating the club with those.  After the ceremony folks can pluck a hair flower and take it home with them.

I have 39 flowers, thanks to my friend Rex the Impossible hitting the swap meet in Vegas last weekend.  I just need to get 61 more.  Every little favor the audience gets, the more worth the price of admission I think the show will be.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Snapper Rewedding: You Get 99 Cock Rings But I'm Keeping One

Can't wait to stuff my boxes!
I am all about getting things done early so I'm not crazy at the last minute.  It's something I learned in college after so many late night term papers and set designs.  (I threw a set model across the room hours before it was due because I was having problems with the material and too little time to problem solve.)

I got mini take-out boxes in two colors to hold the wedding favors.  If you know me by now, you won't be surprised that I bought three kinds of samples, took measurements and researched the best way to package everything up.  After testing the three sample boxes that made the cut, we agreed on the style and I ordered them in the best colors available (closest to the wedding colors).  While they're 'berry' instead of coral and 'paradise blue' instead of aqua, I think they'll work quite nicely.  I've started assembling the boxes so I can stuff them when I've finally decided I'm done getting wedding favors.

Cock rings a-plenty!
I ordered the last favor a month ago from China.  We were brainstorming about what sorts of favors people would most enjoy when I shouted, "Ooooooh!  Cock rings!"  That's right.  The last favor is cock rings.  Cock rings.  Cock rings.  I just like saying it.  Cock rings.  And typing it.  Cock rings.  When I ejaculated, "Ooooooh!  Cock rings!" it was a joke.  Within two seconds I was all, "Dooooood!  Yes!  Cock rings.  I'm ordering some."  I spent hours hunting for an affordable cock ring that didn't have too many bells and whistles (or LEDs or spikes or machinery or garden animals).  I had to find something simple, affordable, and available in bulk.  It took a month and two trips to the post office, but I'm now the proud owner of 100 pink and purple cock rings.  They look like funny gummy finger cots.  I'm looking forward to  99 of them being packed into boxes.  (I had to keep one for posterity.  Yeah, that's the ticket.  Posterity.  Cock rings.)  My guests that don't/can't pack them into their own boxes can use them as Chinese finger cuffs.

 Cock rings.  (Just had to put it in there one more time.)