Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Considerate Man's Guide to Naked Girls

I recognize that in my line of work, people want to interact with me.  I strip, I do Naked Girls Reading, I try to be pleasant and friendly.  I'll cruise the room post-show in my pasties and pose for photos in my skivvies.  I know this is part of my job, and my audiences are usually happy and respectful.  Of course, there are a few Creeping Peters here and there to ruin the comfort that we ladies feel in our drawers or bare skin at these events.  If you want to interact with any of the fleshy babes you see at shows, heed my advice.  (I use the term 'naked' below to cover full nudity and major nudity.)
  1. Naked ladies are much like birds.  You can feed them but they're vulnerable and scare easy. If you want to enjoy the view and/or conversation, don't startle them or they will fly away and return with a bodyguard or security.  Most likely they'll rush off to get dressed as well.
  2. If a naked lady is willing to pose for a photo with you, follow her lead.  Don't get all grabby with her.  If she cozies up next to you for the photo, there are places you may be permitted to touch her for the photo.  Specifically, she may invite you to put a hand at her waist.  Keep your touch light and between her lowest rib and the top of her hip bone.  Don't worry -- it'll make a great photo.
  3. If a naked lady hugs you as a greeting after a show, don't put your hands anywhere inappropriate.  If you get all gropey, word will get around that you're a Creeping Peter and the girls won't come by to say hello.
  4. DON'T REACH OUT AND TOUCH THE NAKED LADIES!! Sure, you've seen them naked but you haven't been invited to touch them.  Remember what I said in 1 above?
Look, if we ladies are doing public events partially or fully nude, we expect you to see our birthday suits.  However, the parade of flesh is not an invitation for you to try to cop a feel.  Don't be a Creeping Peter about it and we won't be forced to enlist the brut squad -- or worse, smash your testes satchels with our pretty shoes.
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    4 comments:

    1. JerryJune 2, 2011 at 7:56 PM

      I think most of this applies even if the ladies are clothed, doesn't it?

      Jerry Fedora

      p.s. Come back to Dallas!

      ReplyDelete
    2. Red SnapperJune 2, 2011 at 11:57 PM

      True. It's just more evident behavior may need to be regulated when the ladies are less dressed.

      I'm working on planning out my next Texas trip. Looks like late this year or early 2012!

      ReplyDelete
    3. NancyJune 9, 2011 at 8:23 AM

      When I worked for a strip-a-gram service in the late 1980's, we had a similar set of rules that we read over the phone and then handed to the customer at the door.

      ReplyDelete
    4. Red SnapperJune 11, 2011 at 6:03 PM

      Smart. I feel sometimes like there needs to be a list of rules and consequences posted on the wall, much like we had in first grade.

      ReplyDelete

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